NOTE: Apparently the following is making the rounds via email amongst Nebraskans. I tried to locate the original source on the web, with no results as to the origin. If you know the original source, please let me know so I can provide proper credit. I hope my fellow Nebraskans and those doing research in the state will enjoy this little diversion. My thanks to a former business partner for passing this one along.
A Trip Through Nebraska
This past summer, I traveled throughout the colorful State of Nebraska, in search of a Blue Hill, a Red Cloud, or a Silver Creek, but what I stumbled across was Clay Center, Brownville, Greenwood and Roseland.
I began my trip by traveling Inland, and then headed south to North Loup, then north to South Sioux City. I got turned around in Loup City, headed the wrong direction out of South Bend, and back on track at North Bend. It was then I discovered that West Point is in the east, Central City was off Center, Malcolm isn’t in the middle, and the Brady bunch lived east of North Platte.
There were towns along the way that really rocked. Guide Rock, Rockville, Table Rock, and Keystone: but, to my Surprise, there was no rock at Plymouth. The weather cooperated for the most part, but after a heavy rain, the flood Gates opened and flooded the Valley with Clearwater. I was then stuck in White Clay for a day. McCool Junction was like . . . Burr. The trip wasn’t without Hazard though. I had to Dodge a Beaver Crossing the Wood River (probably on his way to Beaver City). Had the Dickens scared out of me by an Archer with a Broken Bow, chased up an old Oak tree by a Bassett hound, suffered an allergic reaction to Angora wool, kicked by a Holstein, fell from a Butte, stung by a Bee, had to wade through Broadwater, **** on by an Eagle, pricked by a Rose, stepped on by an Angus, attacked by a Gibbon, experienced the Pierce of an Elkhorn. Took a bad tumble in Falls City, but was back on my feet at Rising City. Had to fight my way out of Battle Creek, nearly met my Waterloo when I was mobbed at Lynch, and almost drowned in Weeping Water.
Although I didn’t have the time to visit every Nebraska City, I was still able to Foster an Alliance with many a new Friend. The people in Laurel and Hardy really made me laugh, but those in Crab Orchard were a bit grumpy. Folks in Homer were a big hit. At times I was treated like a Champion and shown the Royal treatment. Received a nice greeting in Valentine, but the town I was most attracted to had to be Magnet.
I always had plenty of food and drink along the way. Everything from Concord grapes to Bartlett pears, black Angus steaks to Hershey bars. Never had to Cook and never had to open a can of Worms. The Nebraska nights were awesome. Auburn sunsets and Sterling moons. From the Flats in the east, where the Aurora borealis unfolds into Plainview, to the Western hills where you can see the Sparks coming out of Chimney Rock. The entire Nebraska adventure was like a Page out of history. After passing through Colon, I realized my trip had just come to . . . the end!